What to do when your partner shuts down emotionally?

What do you do when your partner shuts himself in and refuses to communicate?


Sometimes, in relationships, one partner experiences the other's refusal to communicate. It can occur during or after an argument and involves the person closing in on it, which can be painful for the other person and damage the relationship in the long run.


Contents:

  1. Signs that one of the partners refuses to communicate
  2. Possible reasons for closing the communication from one of the partners
  3. Types of Communication
  4. Closure in a Relationship
  5. The impact on relationships
  6. Exceeding communication closure Conclusion


The termination of the communication by one of the partners is characterized by the following behaviors:

  • A general discomfort in discussing feelings
  • Denying or minimizing the other person's concerns
  • Refusal to answer questions
  • Refusal to have direct eye contact or to provide evidence of nonverbal
  • Giving up on stressful conversations

Sometimes silence can seem effective because it avoids escalating a scandal, but if it becomes a habit, it can reduce a couple's ability to resolve conflicts or interact at a deep level.


Signs that one of the partners refuses to communicate

The closure of one of the partners is obvious, most of the time. Sometimes, however, this trend is subtle. Signs of a refusal by one of the partners may be different:

  • Ignore what the other person is saying
  • Change the subject to avoid something uncomfortable
  • He leaves without speaking
  • Find excuses not to talk
  • He refuses to answer questions
  • He makes accusations in order to avoid talking about the current issue
  • He uses offensive elements of non-verbal language, such as rolling his eyes
  • Manifests passive-aggressive behaviors, such as blocking or postponing, to avoid talking about a problem
  • He does not admit that he has these behaviors



Possible reasons for closing the communication from one of the partners

Often, closing behavior in itself is not malicious, but is born of fear, anxiety, and frustration. Some reasons why a person may resort to this tactic include:

  • Conflict avoidance (emotional passivity)
  • The desire to reduce stress in an emotionally charged situation
  • The genuine belief of the person in question that it is beyond a certain subject
  • Fear of your partner's reaction or where a discussion might lead
  • Belief that the partner does not want to resolve the conflict
  • The belief that there is no solution to that problem
  • The desire to remain neutral Intention to generate a crisis, to have an advantage in conflict or to end a relationship

Closure itself is often a tactic learned in childhood. Perhaps it was a behavior that parents used to "keep the peace" or to gain dominance in the family hierarchy.

Even if it seems intentional and aggressive, this behavior is often used by people who feel powerless or have low self-esteem. In this context, we are talking about a defensive mechanism used to compensate for these feelings.


Types of Communication Closure in a Relationship

Unintentional termination of communication - is a learned response that partners use to deal with difficult or emotional issues. People who feel ashamed can do this to avoid escalating a conflict or to avoid discussing an uncomfortable topic. They may also be afraid of their partner's reaction.

Intentional termination of communication: In extreme cases, this method is used to manipulate a situation, to maintain control in the relationship, or to punish the partner. This is a form of emotional abuse and the partner who is the victim of this behavior must set limits and consequences for their violation.

It is important to note that stopping communication is not the same as asking for space or setting boundaries. The demand for time or space requires communication. When the partner asks to discuss something later, with the full intention of returning to the conversation, he does not withdraw, but only wants a postponement, in order to obtain more clarity.


The impact on relationships

Whatever the root cause, stopping communication from one of the partners is detrimental to the relationship. Partners who are rejected feel abused or undervalued and begin to doubt themselves.

This attitude often worsens the situation that one of the partners tries to avoid. Either they force a confrontation or the frustrations increase to a point where unfortunate things are said.

Some researchers have suggested that shutting down communication is a key predictor of divorce.

Other studies have shown that this behavior can have a direct physiological impact on both partners. A study of 156 couples over a 15-year period found that self-closure of one of the partners was associated with acute musculoskeletal symptoms such as back pain, stiff neck and generalized muscle aches. Also, those who were victims of this behavior were more likely to experience cardiovascular symptoms, such as high blood pressure, headaches and a fast heart rate.


Exceeding communication closure

If the withdrawal of one of the partners from the communication occurs in your relationship, it is best to deal with this challenge as a couple, regardless of the barricade you are on. This proves that you are a team and that you work together to make the relationship work.

Because a relationship is unlikely to succeed without communication and collaboration, you need to find the right tools to change old communication habits. This is a situation where couple counseling can help.

Couple therapy is designed to help both partners understand why the communication is shutting down and to identify behaviors or practices that lead to this point.

Once they are identified, you can try a more structured approach to communication through a few key elements:

  • Each partner accepts feedback and acknowledges their mistakes
  • The partner listens carefully to what the other person is saying before launching into an answer
  • Each partner agrees to postpone the conversation if things get tense
  • The partners understand each other's situation and allow the other to respond
  • Finding a safe space where both partners are comfortable
  • Body language awareness when the other person is speaking
  • Partners use neuter words instead of criticizing or accusing


Conclusion

Closing the communication means avoiding conversations or refusing to talk to someone. For some people, it may be an adjustment mechanism to minimize or avoid conflict. Others may intentionally use this tactic to manipulate or control their partner. Regardless of the cause, this behavior can have a negative impact on relationships.

Closing the communication can be overcome by the joint effort of both partners, who can turn to couple counseling to facilitate the process.

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